The Panic of Lack

You know those days when you wake up in the morning spinning out cos something hasn't occurred ? You start to freak out, worry, your chest tightens up and you are trying desperately to let it go, but its not happening ! What do you do ?

Well you can start by getting up to your usual cup of tea and cigie and try to make sense of this crap that you know is only your chatterbox going berserk, yet you seem powerless to control it. Why do we go through this stuff, doubt, lack, distrust etc ? I don't bloody know !! All I know is it sux to push through....Its painful, you think that nothing is working properly for you, what you are trying to manifest is not taking place and yet there's this tiny little glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. But to get to that light, can take hours, even days ! This type of stuff seems to take you back to before you started learning about spirituality and how the universe works and you feel like a loser for not being able to push trough after all you have learned in regards to this stuff. Why does this happen ?

I think quite obviously its about trust, trusting that what you have asked for and tried to align yourself with, will occur. Why then DOES this occur ? Well, I'm still working on that. Is it a test ? What is it ? Or is it Ego playing with your head ? I believe its coming from a place of "Non Belief".........No that's not right, I'm not sure why it happens, I wish I knew ! Lots of my friends have said great things to me in these times. Things like "When you need it the money will come" or "Just forget about it and let the universe do its thing" Sure, that's all good, but even these people will call me with the same problems. What is it that makes us go through this crap ?

I'm yet to truly work this out, there can be reasons like, "There are things you must learn before this next stage" "Or you are not truly ready for his just yet" all the while my head spins, it spins out with all sorts of shit ! Mind you, for me I can get to this breaking point like to the top of this mountain with frustration and............"BANG"...........I'm through ! What is it that causes this kooky way of being just before it all slots together perfectly ? The pressure cookers steam keeps building and building while you nearly explode and then, on into bliss at no particular time or in no particular order. Sure its lovely when you get there, but fuck me, its awful while heading to this space of temporary contentment. (Cos we all know it will happen again)

For me it happens when you least expect it, this build up, this tense time. And then you find this picture in your downloads that you had forgotten about. Yet it doesn't really help ! It does after ! But not now, cos I read this and think, whats going on, I need it now ! In summing up, I hate these "VOID" moments but I also love them. They suck while you are in the middle of one, but when you push through things feel really good. Then you look back and go...."What was I worried about" Which is fantastic, but it doesn't really answer my question ! Why ??? Well, I reckon its a test, to find our inner strength to continue to trust the universe and learn more about ourselves.                                 

"Because"

"AND"

This is what is occurring for me right NOW  !!!

That strange pull for me is doing this, this blog and art therapy and intuitive healing and better ways of thinking. To move out of Signwriting for good, as it no longer brings me joy. Here come that "VOID" again !!