Well.......A shit load actually. Although when you sit down to right about it it all goes blank !
I think I learned how strong I am. How, by being a nice person throughout the whole ordeal pays off. How being kind during the whole thing, to the best of your ability, under the circumstances, that it pays off. How not putting any pressure on the other is a good thing. How an ending is just a new beginning, with the close of that door, another opens wide. How time is an opportunity to put the pieces back together bit by bit. But fuck it hurts !! And christ you go through some emotions......actually all of them, to the enth degree !!!!
Putting those shattered bits of glass back together is really fucken excruciating. You see the heart is more brittle than a plate glass window and yet, can be as strong as an ox all at the same time. How can this be ? Imagine trying to put your windscreen back together after it smashed ! Well, times that by 100, that's how difficult it is to heal your heart. Loss !! Loss is hard too. Loss causes all sorts of pain within your entire body. We tend to overlook the loss a bit when the heart is in a million pieces.
So what do we learn from all of this pain ? We learn to become better ! "It's all about better" an ex girlfriend of mine taught me that. When I say better I mean, If you go about things and look within and allow yourself to feel, and melt into all of your pain, and stop resisting your past, face it and surrender, and allow it to consume you, this is the way. Let me just add -- "that not many, at all are ready for this !!" Going deep within and allowing your pain to engulf you from all angles, you will start to see that things become better, in time...
People say "Let It Go"........I fucken loathe this phrase !!!
Until you deal with all of your shit, and I mean sift through it with a fine tooth comb, you can not let it go ! You must deal with this stuff. If you don't you will always take it to the next destination and the side effects of this will be disastrous... Unresolved stuff continues to emerge as side effects in other brutal forms. Usually upon those closest to us. You see it everywhere, everyday, all the time. People pretending to be fine and dandy and yet their behavior, to me is unbelievable ! I see this in people, it's so obvious, the pain, the discontent, the coldness, the hardness, the fear. It's all there, and I can see you all...
Why do we all think that it's "all good" (All Good - another shit phrase) if you "Let It Go" ????? You have dealt with nothing !! Nothing at all, except complete denial. All you've done is add to the bullshit heap of unattended shit that needs to be worked on, in depth, and thoroughly ! All this shit builds up to the point of either explosion or implosion, it really matters little which way in the end. Pain can be dissipated through hard work (on yourself), which starts firstly by acknowledging you have it ! Once you feel it, and make the decision to work with it, and bury yourself in it, to the point of no resistance, this is when things start to get better in tiny increments and only then.
We don't have to live as controlled stale sheep. Discover who you truly are by burying yourself in all this shit and trust me, coming out the other side.................you will realise that facing pain does not hurt you !!!!
