The day’s of confusion, of what to move on to next, are long and frustrating. When you’ve stopped finally, after being broken open, and taken the time to look at your life from an outside perspective, it almost becomes this entity that you do not recognize. What is it ? Who is it ? Is that me ? Most humans don’t even get to this stage. The stage where there’s nothing left to do. You are hammered into pieces of what seems like dust, not chunks that are easy to put back together, but tiny little pieces of a puzzle that is you. It’s a daunting task looking at all of those bits, laying on the ground where your feet used to stand. It’s like fine powdery dust.
The rebuilding phase covers many months of healing work deep within. You deal with mirrors of yourself from others, and realize that what you see in them, can be in you too. This is truly frightening and in your face. The rebuild, or the beginning, at ground level takes the longest. To get your feet to appear again, out of that talcum dust is probably the most difficult part, it takes so long to achieve. It’s like the under ground carpark of a building, and you have to rebuild it from scratch, and it is YOU. It never seems to come out of the ground, it just crawls along at a snails pace frustrating the crap out of you. And with it comes great pain, growing pains. The steel reinforcing takes forever to be wired together. You have your pliers and wire making each bit count, awaiting that concrete pour.
This is the part of the building (you) that just menace’s you. Days and weeks and months of back breaking crap to get the stuff sorted for the concrete pour, the next bit, maybe a toe. Usually there’s more levels to the under ground carpark too. Sometimes there’s set backs because the first pour has not dried or cured properly. These are terrible times, but you can’t rush it. If you take shortcuts, you will see cracks develop in the long term. And the shadows will come back, because you’ve not integrated them properly to the outside air. You must not cut corners, especially on the foundations of that great structure…YOU. The days onsite are up and down, yet you gain a few notches, then lose a few each day. It’s laboriously hard, and there’s days where you just want to shut the site down.
The opening comes, the day where you think you are done, but there’s still a few fingers not put back completely. They lay on the ground still, in smaller, tiny grains from the trampling of your soul. Will they ever be put back completely to your entity ? Probably not. But what happens is, in the knowing that all the work you did, you made the weaker bits way stronger, so maybe, you can do without those fingers after all. The bits inside that building that you reconstructed are way more resilient than you will ever know. You are still not fully through to gaining back all you faculties like, emotions, feelings and intuition. They took a hit, but by no means are they buried in that carpark, they come back, so sensitive, so intune and acute, like never before, you blow your own mind….
There's only one way to rebuild your structure completely, properly and successfully.......
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