3 Months !

3 Months has accumulated since that day. The day that started with adrenalin, and excitement, and relief, and the thoughts of "Thank fuck that's over" but now.............those feelings have gone and I'm left bereft. 

Yet in 3 Months what has happened ? Well on days like this one I ask myself this question. It feels like nothing, nothing at all except losing the fantasy. The fantasy that was, "This is It".....finally we can settle and be a team and individuals at the same time. I was so full of optimism. I'd worked my ass off doing what I dislike for 3 Months (how bizarre, didn't see that coming) and was ready, ready as I'll ever be for this commitment. A commitment to her.

Fantasy is rather funny isn't it ! Fantasy takes us to new possibilities, love, inner love, and places that are lovely. I think fantasy is magnificent, sometimes it fully manifests, sometimes it doesn't. I guess today I'm in what I call a "VOID" moment, they suck, they hurt, you question fucking all ! So that's why I'm typing, for me, no one else, just a record of a shit vibration that has overcome me today. 

I have events coming up shortly that quite frankly couldn't give a shit about. All I wish at the moment is to be in a place where I can delve deeper into my own crap safely. Some have said to me that it doesn't matter where you are, but "I" need the proper energy and vibration to be able to truly bury myself in my shit and let it pierce every fiber of me. It's got to be a place where I feel safe. This current location is not that space !

I have selected places on this planet that allow me to heal, they're on meridians and grids, and here is not one of them. I don't know what is holding me here right now, I have a car, I have my swag with a quilt, a pillow and blankets, paint and brushes to earn money so I can be part of the illusion etc etc. What am I doing still here ? I have the freedom to go anywhere yet I stay, mostly to please others and yes "my own fear". I know all about this "others" crap, it's been the bane of my existence for many years. Conforming ! We all do it !!! 

So what am I scared of ? I think the "learn" (yes the programming) that has been forced on me over the last 42 years is what gives us fear. Oh no, money, job, consume, tax, how will you eat, blah blah blah. This is what creates the fear ! I've just racked off before, many times, it's fucking amazing to travel not knowing where you are going.....The Best, it's when I'm at my best !!!! Even my fucken psychologist tells me to stop running away from problems. He see's my issues as problems, not me. When somethings vibration, be it mine or where I am no longer matches mine,
I go !!! 

What the hell is the point of hanging around a situation (ONCE THE LESSONS HAVE BEEN DOWNLOADED) for me to process in a "Void" moment

I've just spent a week doing tax, that had been neglected for a few years. It was nice to get it all done and re acquaint with my accountant. But at the end of it all, I was so pissed, pissed because I had given these people so much fucking information about myself like a fucking sheep. When will the system change ? Will it be in my lifetime ?

3 Months !

Where will I be in 3 Months ? Maybe here .........

I love 3's !

Light and Dark to all Beings ......... Peace.