I'm so tired ! So tired.....
I've really been through so much shit in the last few months. Hang on, the last fucken year actually ! Working for 3 months straight you go into a disproportionate deluded slumber where you can't feel, make decisions, (correct decisions anyway) comprehend things properly, understand why you've done certain things etc etc. We find ourselves in certain situations that quite frankly dumbfound us. We realise, that half way through a decision made, it was the wrong one !
Why is is that we don't see this at the start ?
What is the lesson we are about to be taught ?
How is another persons pain going to actually be projected onto us ?
Yep !! that's right, other peoples projected pain. It goes a long way to actually destroy a person who is willing to be "Vulnerable"
Are you willing to be vulnerable ? I am ! Vulnerability "makes" you get naked and really real ! you have no choice.
So.....how does one actually be vulnerable ? For me, I put it all on the line, I am willing to talk to you, communicate about all your fears. I want to know it all, all of the good stuff and especially all of the bad ! The past makes us who we are today. If you avoid talking about the past, how can you possibly be in the present ? Its what got you to now in the first place. I'm so sick and tired of meeting people who are projecting off and out to the world their pain and discomfort in the form of side effects. Such as anger, no communication at all, coldness, insecurity etc etc bloody etc. These are all side effects of pain from the past ! We see it all the fucken time. road rage, couples denying each other of lovemaking, pushing partners away, closing down when someone wants to communicate about the things that are concerning them within a relationship.........The fucken list could go on and on..........
If you don't know about your partners past how can you love them wholeheartedly ? You can try ! But let me tell you, you will only go a certain distance down the path next to each other. The longer the communication is suspended, the harder it becomes to solve small problems within the relationship at all. We all know how good it is at first. We see "all" the things we have in common and its awsum, then as it goes on we then find "all" the things we don't have in common. And what a shock that starts to become !!! By this stage communication becomes absolute key in working through these problems together. But what the hell do you do if communication has fizzled to something that is shorter than a grocery shopping list ? To be honest I really don't know ! I'm still trying to figure it out right now from a recent experience. What I did was to keep trying, but when nothing is coming back.......you have to be vulnerable, you have to ask questions and confront the situation head on. Then what happens is 1 of 2 things !
1 The other person is willing to get involved and contribute to make it better.
2 Or, they have no intention or desire to work at the entire connection.
With number 1, you move to talk and work through things like adults and be vulnerable, together, and get through it.
With number 2, "You move the fuck on"
So...........now, I'm going to bed. Expect me to be more active with this blog again now, because as you can probably gather............I've just been through number 2 and it sux bad ! Total rejection over an 8 month period.
Yep, I'm working through it, but when you're vulnerable and you open your heart.........sometimes those little knife cuts start getting to you before you know it and then when you realise.... Its gone to far !
Peace
No comments:
Post a Comment